You may recognize this term as one that is associated with Twelve Step Programs. It is used to describe the thinking patterns that keep us from seeing our choices and ourselves objectively and honestly. Although an objective and honest perspective of self is difficult to achieve even when we seek it, these thought patterns ensure that our inaccurate perceptions stay intact. In other words, they keep us in denial, which is an essential element to any addiction.

Denial is one of the most powerful, elusive and deceptive mechanisms I know. It can be likened to gravity. Only when we push against it or remove ourselves from its grip (e.g. in space) do we even recognize its full effect on us. Until we are out of denial we don’t even realize how much or how long we have been in it! Our denial and the stinking thinking that supports it keep us from making the positive changes we wish to see in our lives. If you are familiar with the concept of ‘cognitive distortions’ then you already have an idea of what stinking thinking is all about. It is a filter, which colors reality and serves no one well. These distortions include: overgeneralization (seeing a negative event as a never-ending pattern), jumping to conclusions (mind reading or predicting things will turn out poorly), emotional reasoning (believing negative emotions reflect reality), ‘should statements’ (paying more attentions to the rules or expectations than the reality of the situation), blaming/shaming (assigning inappropriate responsibility to self or others), and labeling (identifying self or others only by behaviors). These cognitive distortions often show up in the thinking patterns of those who suffer from depression. When I talk to clients about depression lying to them it, these are the tactics to which I am referring. Beyond ‘just’ the thought distortions listed above, stinking thinking can take on even more active roles in our behaviors such as: defensiveness (“Not my fault!”), rationalization (“Everybody else does it!”), minimizing, (It’s not that big of a deal!), lying (I don’t/didn’t do that!), postponing (I’ll work on changing that next week.) or even comparing (Well at least I don’t……,).

All of these forms of denial prevent clarity and honesty from entering our lives and creating the opportunity for new choices that would lead to happier and more fulfilling life experiences and relationships.

Even recognizing the existence of stinking thinking and denial in our lives is an awesome task. That is only one of the reasons Twelve Step programs advocate for its members to have sponsors. Having the support of some one who cares about us and is able to see us more clearly than we see ourselves at times is vital to our recovery from these life-deadening filters Whether it is a good friend, sponsor, therapist or support group when it comes to stinking thinking there is likely to be more success when it is not tackled alone!

Michele